Written by, Fannie, the mother of Keaton, Dorian and Aiden.
I always wanted twins. I was 38 years old, and had just married the love of my life. I left my home and my whole life in France – my friends, family, and I sold my home – to move to the United States with him.
My husband was recently divorced and wasn’t quite ready for a child. But, we both realized that with me being 38, time wasn’t on our side. So, we went through IVF and we were thrilled to find out I was pregnant. Soon we found out we were expecting triplets!
I was worried – not so much about the pregnancy, as I thought I’d be fine because, being a yoga teacher, I am strong and healthy – but because I wasn’t sure how I would manage with triplets without any family around, in a new city.
I loved being pregnant with my triplets. I fondly remember one of my nurses saying with a smile, “a one-stop family!” We were delighted to find out we were expecting triplet boys! It was just what I wanted. I felt so hopeful and excited for our future together.
One Saturday morning, while I was six months pregnant, I felt a little tired during my morning walk with my husband. I spent the day resting, while he took his two daughters out to see Taylor Swift at the Cowboys Stadium. I was home by myself, laying on the coach, when my water broke. I drove myself to the hospital, in the pouring rain. We did all we could to keep the babies safe inside my womb, but they had to be delivered that night.
Luckily, I happened to give birth at one of the biggest and most advanced NICUs in the region. Delivery went fine, and in between pumping breast milk and doing kangaroo care every single day, making sure each baby had the same amount of kangaroo care and milk and attention, the days went by smoothly.
I just LOVED my three little boys, Keaton, Dorian and Aiden. Each one of my triplets were so cute and funny, and different from the other. One day though, when they were about one month old, I was in kangaroo care with Aiden and the nurse was not coming. We waited and waited, and finally the nurse came, but Keaton, in the other room, was sick. I went in to see Keaton and did not find him looking terribly sick, but became really worried by the look on the face of the doctors and nurses.
I was completely devastated when my precious Keaton died of necrotizing enterocolitis just 24 hours later. Devastatingly, just two days after Keaton passed away, and after fighting so hard, and spending hours in my arms wrapped in love, my precious Aiden passed away from NEC, too.
The pain was bottomless. I had never felt so broken and profoundly low.
Fortunately, I had Dorian, and I had to take care of him. Dorian kept me afloat. It has been a terrible experience to have at the same time the tremendous joy of a newborn, along with the terrible pain, still bleeding, of losing two children.
Now, Dorian just turned 7 years old, and he is a beautiful and smart little boy with no health issues – praise the lord. My husband is so happy and often thanks me for all that we went through to have Dorian. Dorian and his big sisters get well along. I have learned how to cope with the pain of losing Aiden and Keaton, and I know someday I will understand and see them again.